President Trump's sudden demise this morning may or may not have come as a shock to the White House staff, but they were prepared for this eventuality with a total stonewall on the development. An undisclosed source believed to be in the personal staff in the West Wing said that a smiling Melania Trump was the first clue that something unusual had happened. Then the body of the Commander in Chief was discovered slumped over in an armchair facing a television tuned to Fox News. The rest of the Presidential mansion's residents and workers carried on infighting and grafting as though their employer were still alive. Vice President Pence was unavailable for comment, though he was briefly seen flanked by two burly members of the Secret Service as he was shoved into the East Wing.
Steve Bannon suggested that the late President's Twitter account could be maintained by a bot programmed to make freqquent errors of spelling, grammar, and fact, and that Barron Trump would undoubtedly do a better job as Chief Executive. No one has seen Jared Kushner for hours, and Donald Trump Jr was glimpsed at La Guardia in the international terminal.
A shaken Vladimir Putin sent his condolences, before retracting them when he realized that Mr Trump could be just as useful dead as alive, as long as no one admitted he wasn't alive.
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